This post is a part of this project. I didn’t actually get an year back.
I have just returned from seeing my name on the list of students debarred from writing the exams, due to inadequate attendance. It wasn’t something unexpected, and I am not as shocked or shattered as some student in my position might be. The points that I will try and drive through in this post, are something I have told myself time and again, in order to take the news today with cold indifference.
1.) Despite failing an year in this college, I still consider myself to be the most educated of all people from the batch. And, arguably even the college. I will not continue here, and that is a shame indeed for the college, which will not be able to advertise my stint here, when I grow up to become great and famous. Maybe, I will not but as a great Urdu poet once wrote, “Dil ko behlaane ko Ghalib, yeh khayaal achcha hai.” (“In order to distract the heart, Ghalib, this thought is beautiful.”)
2.) Another positive thing about this is that I have in my life, experienced what it is like to be a dropout. To waste an year as they say. This is a beautiful experience, and history is testimony to the fact that some of the best names in any field have also gone through this moment.
3.) Since every good thing has a flipside, this one too isn’t an exception. Money was wasted. Not entirely, since the experience has left me a richer man in terms of intellect, reason and skill. Still, with the money that has been spent, I could have achieved much more of these things. Or achieved them without having to spend anything at all. So yes, I agree that it was a mistake- not to drop out from this college, but to join it in the first place.
4.) My mother will be shocked. That is obvious. But, she will accept it in no time. Afterall, she is my mother. You may think I am wrong in using her (not being sorry basically) unconditional love for me in this manner, but then such is life. I can’t help it if I sound unreasonable here, but isn’t the college wrong in giving a talent like e an year back on the basis of attendance. Let me tell you, why I didn’t attend? Because the classes that I take in the solitude of a library or my hostel room are far more challenging. And, since I don’t have to give an exam, to prove that I paid attention, far more satisfying too.
5.) A lot of people will feel sorry for me, and a lot of them will want to see me sorry when I relay to them this news. That will provide me with my share of unpleasant phases of the human experience. So, my arrogance and irrational high headedness here should be excused.
6.) Yes, I do see this as a lesson. But, not a lesson where one is clearly guilty for committing a disgraceful act. I’d more like to see it as a lesson, where I realise that the next time I try and fight the battle in search of my degree, I’d have two opponents. The first, will be the college and its stupid rules (which is too weak and not a threat) and the second, will be myself.