My 2-month workout plan

So now that I have decided to become a hero (not just an actor), I must start to look like one.

I’ll take a lot of motivation from all the articles that I have written on bodybuilding, especially celebrity bodybuilding.

My goal is to gain around 10-12 kilos and look ripped and muscular – not like a bouncer or a bodyguard.

I’ll also read up stuff on how to make my fair skin look fairer, both my face and my body. So that when I have poetic sex onscreen, all the guys like me.

Initially, for the first two weeks, I am going to be working out only my upper body.

  • Chest and triceps/Back and biceps/Shoulder

This is mainly because that wound in my leg that hasn’t fully healed.

I’ll also try and eat like a horse, but avoid street food because that shit messes up digestion.

My problem is not how I will exercise, but about how I will use up my free time. Probably I should find a part-time menial work that pays some of the bills.

I am possessed by spirits (Note 1)

Yeah, it’s true. I think I have a lot of people inside me.

When it comes to celebrating, I am like Salman Khan.

When it comes to being angry, I am like Nana Patekar.

When it comes to being romantic, I am like a mixture of Shah Rukh Khan and Ranveer Singh.

When it comes to being a cry baby, I am like SRK again. I don’t think any actor does it better.

When it comes to being righteous, I am like Amitabh Bachchan. And maybe even, Aamir Khan.

When it comes to being funny and goofballish, I am like a mixture of Salman Khan and Anil Kapoor.

When it comes to being cool and swaggy, I am like Ranveer Singh.

When it comes to losing myself in dreams, I am like Aamir Khan.

When it comes to being drunk, I am like SRK (he is inspired by Amitabh, I heard in some interview) again.

When it comes to fighting back after being beaten down, I am like a mixture of Aamir Khan and Shah Rukh Khan. I think even Sunil Shetty does such scenes brilliantly.

When it comes to being serious but still entertaining, I am like Akshay Kumar.

When it comes to being patriotic, I am like Manoj Kumar. You can’t fault Sunny Deol in this department either.

When it comes to being a nice guy, I am like Raj Kapoor.

I am not yet a professional actor, and certainly no critic to judge these great men. But, these notes are just an attempt to fine tune myself as a wannabe showman. I don’t want to be an impostor, and will approach each role with my own sensibilities. Yet, it’s always good to break everything down to emotions. So that you can bring them into play when required.

Next time, I will do the same post and study each actor differently. Like SRK’s anger, Akshay Kumar’s humour or John Abraham’s lust.

You and me babe, how about it?

Why don’t we make a movie about our lives?

Start a new love story. I have got the brains (along with fair skin) and you’ve got looks to kill for (paired with lots of money).

We’ll make a full 2-hour entertainment blockbuster on a shoe-string budget (and a very small crew). Use songs from older movies/albums, preferably ones which have had a significance in our lives.

It’ll definitely be a love story with lots of sex in it, and in English.

I’ll try and keep it as autobiographical as possible, use scenes from my own life. God knows, I have ruined myself reading books and watching movies.

We don’t need anyone else.

But you have to give me a clear signal. I am too lazy to begin working on the script till then.

I’m gonna make you angry!



Silly girl.

You thought you could get away with breaking my heart, just because I am a loser (you are responsible, and I’m gonna make you pay for it).

It was never like you didn’t require my validation, you did. You would come running for it, and then when I would give it to you, it would turn you off?

You would play these tricks, cold-heartedly. Without a thought for what was happening to me, the romantic. You would make me jealous, and watch me writhe in pain.

Get a kick out of it, too.

Well, I have had my share and now I am gonna kick you around.

It’s magic, baby!

It’ll be nothing short of magic when I’ll undo your bra with one click of my fingers.

I’ll soften them sore muscles (you can order me around) and smoothen that headache.

I’ll make you moan until you can’t take it no more, and ease it all down with the help of some tantra.

I’ll sing you songs (well, at least, lip-sync them) and cook you that post sex-snack topped up with a cocktail that is shaken, not stirred.


All day, all night



In a room in a jungle.

We’ll start with a healthy breakfast, that I’ll cook up with the help of some recipe online.

And then we can laugh about how silly the world is, putting their bodies and minds on the line for bread while we sit here under the sun with a dilemma much more significant.

How do we create something to ease their pain?

We’ll probably struggle to find an answer, so we’ll go for a run. Don’t expect me to go easy on you, here. I have seen Bhaag Milkha Bhaag thrice.

Drenched in sweat, I’ll challenge you to do more squats than me. Again, I am pretty cocky about winning.

We can follow that up with an hour spent in the bathtub. Both of us reading out loud (in turns, of course) from a book written by a dead writer who like us, was far, far away from the madding crowd.

After that, you’ll try on dresses after dresses, while I slip into a white T-shirt and give marks for each one. A soft, romantic melody playing in the background.

We’ll keep our cellphones away, choosing the company of artists instead of real people.

We’ll watch a movie after that, a different genre every day. Both of us will assume a character right from the first frame, and follow its journey with a child’s wonder and our bodies for company.

It’ll probably be time for lunch, and we’ll waste a few precious minutes fighting over what we’re in the mood to eat. Again, I’ll repay your faith in me by cooking up something delicious that we can eat to our heart’s content. Something that makes me want to fall into your arms right after.

We’ll sleep for some time, kissing each other until we’re tired.

You can make me some tea after that, coupled with cakes we had bought from the best bakery in the nearby city the day before.

I will try and make some conversation about our life’s purpose, and light up a joint to get the juices flowing.

Soon, the evening will turn into night and it’ll be time for a drink (or two).

We’ll not waste time cooking dinner, as I’ll have cooked plenty during lunch.

Then I’ll tell you how much I love you, and we’ll do the sexiest and naughtiest things (forget muscle soreness when you’ve got a massage junkie like me) until you fall asleep in my arms.

I can feel you


…all the time.

I know how you feel when you’re struggling for words, thinking about me.

I know how you punish yourself, every time someone pricks you, and you can’t think of a proper retort because, “Hey! You’re too good for that shit.”

I know how bored you get, when you can’t express yourself (that’s when you’re really acting) around people because if you do, they’ll think you have totally lost your marbles.

I know what it’s like to have a strong imagination; one that robs all color from the world around you. Because that world is not yours, but the one within you, is.

Still in love with her


I think I am still in love with her.

That baby who broke my feeble heart years ago when I was in school. The one who first gave meaning to all the love songs (maybe I am addicted, but I am out of control) you hear on TV.

I don’t know where I went wrong. I shouldn’t have. I was better than her.

Yet, her sweet voice and smooth hair would make me have silly thoughts. What if she drifts away? What if she finds another guy to love? What if she becomes more successful than me? In time, all of these fears came true.

I fell in love with many girls – each with her own loveliness and gifts, but those thoughts and those fears never went and I could never set fire to the rain.

Until I realized, it’s all just a game. And all of that pain has only contributed to making me a better lover. I need to thank all of them.

One day, I will.

You’ve gotta write your own dialogue


and it shouldn’t be forced.

You have to say, whatever you have to say to win. If someone tries to suppress your voice by citing facts, ignore them. What’s fact? What’s fiction?

People are not going to be true to you. They are going to twist things around just to fuck with your brain.

You got courage, you be on the offensive right from the word go.

It’s okay if you have your ego shattered, and end up feeling like a puddle. That blow is only going to make you stronger.

It’s all about believing in yourself. Nobody can teach you that (except me, I have a hack) better than the school of hard knocks.

It’s a cliché (what isn’t, we just talk to keep the night going) but only when you’ve lost everything, do you start getting everything.

It’s just a game for them


Ever seen your boss share cold vibes/heated arguments with his/her superior.

Know what?

They do it to keep the ones at the bottom of the food chain feeling inadequate about their courage. “Give these chumps a fight, and they’ll watch it happily without ever wanting to be the one facing the heat,” is what these soul suckers think.

I tell you what, next time you feel scared of the Big Daddy, know that the real villain isn’t him/her. It’s me.


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