My board results are gonna be out tomorrow. I don’t know how I have done, and I am in no hurry to know it either. It’s 5 in the morning and with less than 5 hours to go for the revelation, the adrenalin has struck. I am doing things fast (for eg. typing fast, walking fast) but then I am feeling slow, in other words I am feeling slightly anxious.

Now, during the time I was in 12th, I didn’t really think that I’d care about this day. But for the past few days, ever since I returned from Bihar, I am realizing the importance of this marks. Now it’s not like I am regretting what I did or something, I also don’t believe that the marks that one scores in a sort of mockery that board exams is in our country- has any real relevance in your judgement of yourself.

It’s just that, even though I was the biggest asshole in my class, even though I often acknowledged my disgust at the CBSE curriculum in front of my teachers, I never really got to terms with the fact that despite all my ills, people still expected good things from me.  My English Teacher, believes that English is my strong subject even though I haven’t scored anything worthy of note in her subject. It’s mainly because of my lousy handwriting, she says and my unwillingness to make the subject a simple matter of  ‘reproducing important points’ pertaining to the question.

Most teachers I have learned from think that I am an intelligent kid who has gone in the wrong direction. Well, I respect their concern but seriously man, how can they say that the only right direction in life is to study.

Now, back to where I began, why is marks important for a student of my age? It isn’t. It sure isn’t. But hey, complete lack of it is unadvisable too.  Look, in today’s age you don’t really have to study in order to manage marks. It’s more like, you know, cracking the code. But, maybe that’s just coz’ I took Commerce. Ignorant folks can argue about how each subject is tough and nothing is easy, but hey for people like me, ARTS is definitely a better deal in the +2 examinations, for the simple reason that it requires minimal effort in order for a person to pass.

Marks are not important, but you don’t come out and say that you’re too good for examinations either. See, coz’ if u are not paying attention to the marks then there must be a good reason for you doing so. Now, that doesn’t sound good from my mouth; someone who is famous for being  a supreme slacker. But then what has to be said has to be said.

I really don’t know why I am writing this anyways. It’s all so ambiguous and nothing makes concrete sense. But then this is not written to be read, is it? It’s written so that beneath this ambiguity I will find a way to discover myself in a better way.

I have time on my hands and I have been using it to do a few random things on the internet. Like reading the fakeiplplayer blog for instance. Which brings me to another topic.

We all love moral lessons, when they are told in a nice manner don’t we. Well, some of us like immoral lessons even more. See, immorality if argued in the right manner can leave you feeling highly enlightened. Everyone has a dark side and it likes being fed. We are all loving people, but we are also selfish sadists at the same time. If you love-  you gotta hate, you gotta get angry, you gotta take the bad with the good. Spirituality and meditation, according to what I’ve read, deals with knowing thyself and giving up human tendencies or ‘maya-moh’ of life.

So only conclusion that I see to this, is that if you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do then at least do it the right way.

Two or ten years, down the line when I’ll be browsing thorugh the old posts section of my blog, I’ll see this post as a reminder of what I exactly thought before my board exams. Now before i feel guilty for writing this piece, and try and eat my eyes seeing the perpetual dumbness of it, I’m gonna sign off.