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I had decided that today would have to turn into one of those days, where creative rush is at its maximum. But, unfortunately- once again, it turned out to be a zero productivity day.

I have to start expressing satisfactorily soon, because I am quickly losing my confidence with this. I know this too shall pass, and then again, there will come a night where I will be nothing short of a genius. A prospective great in this game.

The reason behind Lekhchand’s frustration was that he had not yet started the novel, even though a fortnight had elapsed since he had first resolved to do so. Not usual, for the kind of writer he was.

Writing a novel, on my own life is a tough thing for me to do. I feel guilty writing it, because it will not be the most creative and imaginative thing to do. It will also inevitably mark me as a rank amateur. Since, a young writer writing the story of his life is nothing short of comedy.

But then, this is the book that I want to read. This is the story, I want to tell. Besides, even greats like Fitzgerald based their first on their own life. Wasn’t The Portrait Of A Young Artist based on Joyce’s own life?

If one expresses the truths of human existence with style, he is worth reading. 

Lekhchand, knew after writing that note in his private journal- that going ahead with the novel, will not be an exercise in futility. It will, however be a compromise. And a creative solution to that was highly desired.

I cannot express it through magical realism or something, since my creativity cannot work in that direction. Setting up my life’s stories in a different setting wouldn’t be enough to fool others, and besides I am not very interested in doing any sort of research. Where is the solution? I can only either write a hack piece that I don’t feel the need to express, or a novel comprising of bits and pieces from my universe. 

Lekhchand, in this moment of undecidedness- decided that he’d take a bath. And, let the water purify his mind and body, in such a way that inspiration strikes and a fresh outlook towards this problem is attained.

In the shower, Lekhchand tried to deconstruct the problem. What was his life about? No answer seemed satisfactory, and Lekhchand dismissed it as a silly question to think over.

*****

The days after that, passed by without any sort of creative problem solving for Lekhchand. He was with his friends, drinking alcohol- and solving or debating over issues, too lame to give him any kind of a creative reawakening. The problem stuck.

It is very difficult for me to write this thing down to completion. I mean, look at the signs. Till now, there has absolutely been no direction to my inspiration. So many things are blocked. After whiling away time for so long, even if I do get around and knock off a brilliant first chapter. I’ll get so pumped up and revitalized after so many days of creative suffering that I am bound to falter in the second chapter. What is required is a rhythm.

Lekhchand though, depressed as he was, was not yet prepared to give up on this. The journey may be difficult, but the destination will be worth it, he thought in order to inflict some confidence in him. ‘What if the destination makes you realize that you have taken the wrong route altogether.’, was a negative thought that crossed his mind, but he didn’t let it dwell.

Tonight, I have decided that I am going to put 60,000 words on paper first and then worry about the artistic value of my story. If I keep making attempts, someday God will be kind enough to bless me with the power to create a work that is on par with nothing but greatness. I’ll now write it exactly the way I had imagined, in the beginning. Refinement of ideas cannot be done, while writing the novel in your mind. Problems can be fixed only if they are real. Tell me one human who had a masterpiece in his mind, before he even started. Nature, cannot be fought, Mr. 

Enough time has been wasted in the holy act of beginning, itself. Days and Nights of emotionally charged upheavals await you. 

With this, the mind was put to rest, and the forthcoming day was earmarked for the initiation of this project.

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