Yesterday, I completed another year in this life of mine. And, I am happy to say as a significantly different human being than last year. For example, on the night of my birthday I spared a thought for all those people (what a long list) who had once been slightly intimidated by me but have now left me behind by a long margin. In a way, I was happy to have this insecure moment because now at least I am running on the same track as those people. Earlier, I would have rubbished such thoughts with a notion of ‘I am good at certain things, they will never be good at’. And, even though that notion was not entirely delusional- it was defeatist.
Earlier, I would look at a social function as an event where I must keep quiet and not embarrass myself. Now, I see it is an opportunity to show the world the new found strength that I have gained. It is selfish, it is offensive, but under no circumstance is it ‘too nice and submissive’. One blow from somewhere, and I feel wounded- eager to strike back at any cost.
At 22, I feel much much younger than I did at 21- and eager to be good at not just one thing, but everything that is there to be good at. (I have made a lot of progress already) Obviously, it’s a long road- and old habits die hard, but I am sure that with a few good steps, I’ll get a groove of the field and run.