It’s not like I am not tired. A 5 mile walk is not a joke. I thought I’d drop dead, the minute I lie down. But, this ruddy imagination is stifling. When, I am sad like I am today, I feel like sitting up to discontinue the knot that forms in my chest. When, I am happy like I am very often these days, I feel like standing and walking around the house in order to smile freely and with passion.
I must do some meditation in order to get myself to sleep tonight. Backward counting from 100 to 1. Again and again. No. This is too painful. Too boring. Tomorrow, I’ll ask online on a social network for some imaginative ways to get to sleep. There was this counting sheep method I had heard of somewhere.
Experimenting with postures is a good idea. Yes, this is more comfortable than the previous one. Let’s try the traditional approach of sleeping on the back. Thoughts are not forming, which is why I am feeling certain knots around my body. Tension is being redirected.
Should I just get up and read something? No. Sleeping on time is your agenda. Change your habits, Vikas. Fight for a while if it’s not coming easily. Dear god, how sorry is my character? I have to fight in order to merely sleep.
Should I take pills eventually, like so many other people or just work at a routine. And make new habits. I don’t know. It seems tough. I wouldn’t mind taking pills for this and reserve my fight for other things in life. I may get a little less sharper or my intelligence may suffer but what has intelligence given me till now except these doubts and insecurities.
Relax. Take a deep breath. Go read a book for an hour. If you are compromising with your body, at least nurture the mind.