Being passionate about something, is like raising a baby in your head. Once the baby reaches a certain age, it is time to let it grow on its own and think about making an addition to the family.
Dinesh was struck by a thought that seemed to him filled with poetic intensity. If he could complete this journey (only a walk from his friend’s place to his home) with success and confidence, then surely the girl that he was trying to get will finally feel a mental spark igniting a strong feeling for him. The reason this journey seemed terrible to him, and difficult enough a sacrifice, that it’s completion will force a change of heart in the girl was his fear of dogs who were very likely present in his way.
He told himself that if he did it, his thought would pass through the mind of the girl. He knew from her confession itself that he did play on her mind, but one can play with positive or negative results. He wanted this time to be one of the biggest positive peaks. After all, one cannot control everything if one plays by graceful methods, some element of luck should also play a part.
He wondered how many people did this, make personal deals with the universe. He was confident of it being a common practice. This was the birth of superstition. And, in his experience it worked. He could remember clear instances where he had violated his rules, and suffered and clear instances where he had followed them and conquered. During the US Open finals, he had stopped himself from smoking in the tense ridden five hours. To pump himself through it, he said “If Andy could do it, so can I.” Was this madness, he thought. And rationalised it by ‘it was a very subtle madness unique and available only to humans’ theory. He also found it an excellent way of adding some drama to life.
The dogs had eluded him for the most part of the journey, but he was wise enough to not start feeling too confident. Luck had screwed him over many times in the past, when he started to get confident midway in a journey. Any journey. Dinesh was now struck by how this journey was a metaphor for his journey of life. Such a thought felt strongly gave an immense beauty to even streetlights and the potholed roads it lit.
From his experience, Dinesh knew there were two turns were the presence of dogs were probable. As they approached, he started to mutter the girl’s name and gained strength. Drama and effects were the only way to escape life.
He crossed the first turn without any issue and with extreme silence, but when he was crossing the second one, he decided to play a smart move. Instead of taking the road which was surrounded on both sides by a few dogs, he thought it smarter to walk from the space reserved for a crowd to gather outside the few shops that were there. As soon as he put one foot in that space, the dogs started barking.
What an elementary error he did. Dogs were territorial. They bark if you step into their area. And they have a sense of ridiculing abnormal behavior. Despite knowing this from hearsay, he had for the first time experienced the heat of the mistake. Not knowing how to cross a road full of dogs barking at him, he retreated slowly. With experience he had managed to control his urge to run.
Once a safe distance away, he tried to think about how to complete his journey now that he couldn’t go back the same way for quite some time. Thankfully, there was a restaurant that stayed open till 4 in the morning, and was not far away from there. He drank a glass of water there, and lighted up a cigarette.
He knew the delivery boy well since he had ordered a lot of things from there over the past few months. If he would go in the direction of his house, then surely he’d ask him to drop him. But, there was some time before enough orders were collected.
One thing that depressed him was that his resolve to influence a change had been foiled. The universe had spoken. Just like his life, he had not been able to go the full distance because he had put a foot wrong. The game was not yet over. He could walk back that path. This time without infringing in the dogs territory. But, he couldn’t muster the courage. He had a lot of cold sweat over him, and the phrase ‘he stank of fear’ seemed most appropriate for his position. It would be silly to take the brave chance now.
Someone could pass by on a bike, and he could take a lift, but that didn’t seem appropriate to him. Surely, he’d be taken for a madman. But who cared, people do help a madman and I’d give him a story to tell. Even if someone happened to walk, he would take their company and gather courage from their presence.
No man and no bike passed that road for the next 20 minutes. Or what felt like it. One car did and from the speed at which it went, the driver was bound to be drunk.
Distraught and dejected, he felt like calling his roommate who could come and pick him up on the bike. But, wouldn’t he utter a silly abuse under his breath while coming out to help him. Maybe, but who cared. That is what friends are for. At worst, he could make an excuse and pretend to be sleeping.
Dinesh was embarrassed to do it, but still persisted and called. To his utter delight, the response was very helpfully in the affirmative. When he said, that he’ll come, Dinesh thought ‘Wow! What a messiah. A friend in need is a friend indeed.’ and relaxed after a long time. The universe had spoken against him, but this token of humanity had made the world at least momentarily a better place.
Today evening, as I was having tea and smoking a cigarette at a very modest tea stall I saw a very meek looking man, with not the best clothing and wearing fake leather chappals that are bound to give multiple shoe bites. However, he said with a tone resembling the legendary Raaj Kumar, “Jaani.. Zamaana hum se hai, Hum Zamaane se nahin..”
Looking at him, after a day of incessant self doubt and loathing, I felt that no matter how much I deteriorate from now, I can always be good enough to proclaim to anyone who will listen that, “Jaani.. Zamaana hum se hai, Hum Zamaane se nahin..” and experience a moment of pride.
I absolutely hate false starts. I am not a very hardworking human, and when some of my hard work goes to waste, I get depressed very easily. Anyway, something new has been thought of- and hopefully, I’ll not have to scrap off my work.
Also, I am having this urge to write outside these days (never done it because it’ll feel weird if passersby see me writing), but indoor environment is very distracting. Unless, it is night. And, I can’t afford nightwriting a lot from now onwards, since that fucks up almost everything except my writing.
Internet is such a big distraction. I think I’ll develop a policy of not using the internet until I write something concrete. But, it’s tough. (I have been addicted for around 5 years now. :P)
Other than that, I am waiting for my return to Manipal, since the mundane life here, is getting on my nerves.
I printed out the first 15 pages of this novel I was writing, and reading it has left me shattered. So much so that, I have protected this blog. For a while, hopefully.
I will now go to Manipal, and resume my life. Fix it. I’ll keep writing the novel, but whether or not you will get to see it is a doubt.
This feels like such a defining moment.
Heart in the figurative sense is just a word for the intellectual equivalent of peer pressure.
Like when your heart says that you should go this way and not that, then it is basically some portions of your mind coaxing you into doing something not justifiable by mere logic.
Sad, that people take peer pressure as a valid excuse for failure, while this pressure is blamed on a man’s carelessness and what not.
Modest, as you may be about your intelligence. I believe that you are a friggin’ genius. A great example of god’s finest creations.
There may be things that are not so great about you. Like, your academic performance but then great people do great only in great things. You, doing great in something as substandard as the exams would be a catastrophe of justice. Much like a fine genius like Virender Sehwag doing well in a shitty ass game like baseball. That is why, when untalented people like ______ outshine you in college, you, instead of feeling bad, move on and ignore their existence. A mark that says that not only are you a genius, but a very good sensitive and just pure amazing human being.
I also find you an extremely good overall package. Yes, you could do with a little bit of fat, but then I’d rather have the excellently constructed brain than body. Body can be constructed with a little bit of money, and some powders. But, brain- Brain is the gift of the god.
I know there have been girls you’ve liked who have not seen the greatness in you, but then I can write this on paper- 10 years from now, they’ll be banging there heads on the table eating Anti-depressant pills, while you will become a bestselling writer with a truckload of fanmail from the ladies.
I could write reams and reams of text, in your praise but then a great man like you should not be bothered that much by my letter. I love you, man. And, your blog is a gift to people like me.
Always in awe of you,
This is a part of this series.
At our college, we don’t believe in wasting time in doing things that we don’t really like. And, since I really didn’t like writing a speech for you guys (you are not going to listen anyway, since this is the time to count the number of good looking members of the opposite sex in your class), I have decided to take the easy way out by showing you a video which says what I would have said, had the video not been there.
Anyways, that’s it. Don’t bother about the attendance, no need to study for the exams, just pay the fees (it goes in paying bribes to make your degree authentic) and have a degree at the end of 3 years.
Thank you very much.
This speech was a part of this series.
This speech is a part of this series.
Respected Principal, Teachers and My Dear Friends,
12 years ago, when my parents admitted me to this school, they hoped that I’d be coming out with a bundle of certificates, well behaved manners and most importantly an exemplary marksheet.
However, due to the fact that God has not made us all alike, nothing of that sort happened. The only certificate I have is my passing certificate for 10th standard, I have learnt certain manners during my stay here which are not that good, and as for my marksheet- the less said, the better.
I will not say breezy messages, or teach you any of the life’s important lessons. However, since everyone is giving an important message and all- I’ll chip in with my words of wisdom. 30 years later, when I’d be great an all, you will tell your children that you had heard Sameer Jha deliver his first speech. Oh how your heart would swell with pride at the thought.
Anyways, in order to inspire the student in you to be smart in the life to come I’ll narrate you a story my cousin told me. Once, what happened was my cousin was studying in some college and lived in a hostel. And, since he is my cousin and very similar to me, his attendance was in shambles. So, as was the policy of the college a letter was sent home, stating so. Now, in such a situation a normal person would experience fear and tension. But, not my cousin. He saw a window of opportunity. He asked his mother to deposit 500 Rs. into his account as he needed a really good alarm clock to wake him up in the morning. A logically genius move.
I am not telling you to cheat your mothers like him. Since, morally unacceptable behavior no matter how brilliant it is, accounts as bad karma. And, you all know that Karma is like that girl who broke your heart. A you know what.
Anyways, I’ll move on to my second inspirational story. It’s a popular story in general, but I am sure it’ll not be narrated to you by a teacher or anything. There was this man who worked in a school, which also had a church besides it. His job was to ring the bell every time a period got over.
Once what happened, was that a government rule came and all employees who had not studied till 5th standard were thrown out. This man was a complete illiterate, and he lost his job one wretched afternoon. Coming out, he had no idea as to how he would feed his children and all. So, he walked in search of a cigarette. And realised after having walked a lot, that there were no cigarette shops in the 1 km radius of the school.
So, he took loans worth a few lakhs and opened one outside the banned 100m radius. In no time, the shop was a huge success. And now, the man after having 4 big shops around Delhi, owns a car. He is still illiterate and when asked as to whether he would have been a better businessman if he had studied. “No, not at all.”, he says. “If I had studied, I would still be in school, ringing bells.”
That’s destiny for you. And a story of seizing an opportunity when presented. I can tell you many more stories of wisdom and understanding, but I guess some of you all are waiting for the speeches to get over as soon as possible, so that you can possibly have your food and go home. That cute girl in saree is acting unreasonably cocky anyways.
But, I will not go before saying good bye. Even though, I have wanted to be out of school for so many years; Now, that I am out of it I am thinking what if the life ahead is even worse. What if three years of college is longer than 12 years of School? At least, I was comfortable here, if not always happy.
Anyways, I love everyone now. Except two people. But, yes I am leaving this place with a heavy heart. And, hopefully I’ll come back in the future to deliver another inspirational speech for the students.
Till then, have a good taste, and good luck for college.